What the Chris Rock/Will Smith incident teaches us

If you don’t know, Will Smith slapped Chris Rock during the 2022 Oscars (for which he was up for an academy award) after Chris Rock made a joke referencing Jada Pickett-Smith, who is Will Smith’s wife. I will attempt to take both sides in this and see what we can learn from this.

Rock’s side

Chris Rock has hosted awards shows and since he is a comedian, he has jokes for everyone. It is a hard gig because hollywood stars are some of the most stick in the mud people there are. You would think for a bunch of people who get paid a lot of money to pretend to be stuff, they would be a little more light hearted, but no.

Rock does what he does best when up to present and threw out a couple jokes. My biggest problem with it. It wasn’t a good joke. Mrs. Pickett-Smith has a lot of things out there in the know that he could use as fodder and he went with her bald head? Maybe the writers or Rock if he wrote that himself, didn’t know that she suffers from Alopecia, a disease where your hair falls out. As a woman, she is probably sensitive to that.

A comedian’s job is to say things and get a reaction. And that is exactly what happened.

Smith’s side

Will Smith was up for an academy award. This is supposed to be a big night for him. Then Chris Rock comes out and makes fun of your wife’s condition. All of the pain and anger that something like that causes can bubble up and well…we saw the result.

A comedian is supposed to extract a reaction out of you. Most do not want Will’s reaction.

What can be learned from this?

If you are a comedian, this is a lesson that what you say holds weight. It probably shouldn’t. The things we say should not be held to too much scrutiny because of the medium we are using. Stand up is a pure art form design to elicit laughter, so everything said is in the pursuit of that. What we may see as a formation of words with a purpose of gaining laughter others may see it (and rightfully so) as an attack, and that is something we need to be careful with.

Rock used what most comedians use a technique called punching up. The problem is that when the joke is about a medical condition, one in which can’t be helped by the subject of the joke, it is not seen as someone joking with a person that shares a high status, it is seen as an insensitive joke. If I were advising Rock about that joke before he went up there, I would have told him not to because the benefits (laughter) is dwarfed by the backlash (seen as making fun of someone with a medical condition).

This still does not excuse the actions of Smith. He has been nominated for numerous awards and he knows the drill. It is almost a roast the way those celebrities get made fun of. If it is something he doesn’t feel he can handle then he can not go to these things and have his award mailed to him.

This goes to anyone who wants to go to a comedy club. Research the comedian you are going to see. There is always at least a video or two of the comedian at work. If you don’t like what you see then stay home. If you go to a show and the comedian is doing something you don’t agree with, go home. You are not Will Smith and you will be in jail if you put your hand on someone because you don’t like their material.

What is “real” in the comedy industry (apply to the entertainment industry as a whole)

I just finished an episode of ‘Black Market’ on Vice. The episode in question, talked about the use of “bots” to inflate numbers on streaming services and cause you to not be able to get that cool new item that just hit store shelves. Now, bot is a term used for programs that do what humans do, but way more efficiently. So, you want the new Jordan’s. You would have to click on the shoes and do all the fraud stuff to finally click purchase. A bot can do all that in seconds, and with multiple bots on the same page, they can scoop up all the in demand product before you got your wallet out. Now in terms of entertainment, it is being used to inflate streaming numbers. Bots are also being used to inflate social media numbers so that a person looks better to people wanting to use their platform to sell stuff.

So, as I watched this show, I thought to myself: What is real in this business?

Nothing new under the sun

You’ve no doubt heard the saying “nothing new under the sun” and that is the case here. Companies and business interest have been propping up certain people for ages to attract a certain clientele. In the old Hollywood days, they would have two up and coming stars go out on the town together to get the gossip going for a new movie. A rock band would get a sexy album cover done up so as to bother the pearl clutching masses.

When I first started comedy, the bringer show was popular. A bringer show is where the promoter will tell the acts that they will have to bring people to the show in order to get on stage. The more people you brought, the more stage time you got. This really inflated the numbers for the promoter. They look as though they know how to put on a show, when in fact they sold stage time.

There was also the “trick” of having a person that could fill seats “headline” and flood the rest of the line up with people because the headliner couldn’t do as much time as a headliner is usually required to do. Again, it inflated the confidence in the person that they could headline when in fact they used their family and friends to have a cool night at a bar.

Technology makes everything easier…and harder

Once social media became a thing and you could reach out to more people than just those within your view, it opened up a whole new level of tracking popularity and ways to exploit it. There are legit comedians who got a big push because they were relentless on social media. Any comedian that is decent can do this. If you are funny, and can make compelling content for social media you can see you numbers rise…maybe.

You see, those people I talked about up there are a very small number of super human, super weird people. Think about it. You have to be on social media and pumping stuff every day. The algorithm demands it! There are a lot of comedians that just forget or loose steam or have other things to do. I was on the road this weekend, and I had photos from the show I wanted to post, but because I was driving, in the freezing fog, I had other things on my mind than posting sick photos on social media. It is hard to keep up with the appetite of people that just want to be entertained so a lot of comedians will not gain as much traction as maybe their talents would relay.

We finally talk about bots and comedy

Stand-up comedy can be affected because just like music labels and advertising companies, clubs and promoters and bookers are looking at these same social media numbers to see if someone is “worth” it. Here is an example: Comedian A and Comedian B are both trying to get into a comedy club for this open weekend. Comedian A has 12 years of experience and some credits, but nothing that jumps off the page. Comedian B has been doing it for four and has amassed a following on Tik-Tok of 250k followers. The club will more than likely go with Comedian B.

This is not to say that Comedian B doesn’t deserve it. It’s just that for as long as stand-up has been around, the way up was creating an act that was funny through and through. So, just from what you see in front of you more experience could translate into a better show and happier patrons and repeat customers. That is not how comedy clubs work however. There is too much risk in having a low turnout weekend because no one knew the comedian they had there.

It’s not like clubs didn’t have an answer for this already. When a club had a person come in that wasn’t moving tickets organically, they would just “paper” the room. Papering the room is just giving out free or discounted tickets. The club isn’t really concerned about the money at the door (in some, but not all situations). They want to get into your pockets when you sit down to eat and drink, they just need you there. So, going with Comedian B and their 250k followers he has the potential of selling out a room…maybe.

Something is afoot

Here is where the issues lie. How do you know that the numbers you look at are true and not just inflated by none booze drinking computers? Sometimes by the time it’s too late. The club has the information that they usually dug up themselves or was given to them by the agent of the person coming in. Of course those numbers are gonna look more favorable for the talent. So the club doesn’t know if that person spent $1500 to get 100k followers or to get their videos to look as though more people are watching them. They just click on the profile photo and see that Comedian B has 250k followers.

In the online space, you can keep pulling this off until you accumulate a bunch of money and legit success or you get found out as a fraud. In the comedy industry though, it comes a lot quicker…and slower. Do you know how many shows I have done where the headliner was some Tik-Tok or Vine star and when I get there twenty people are in the audience? I used to say to myself: “Man, I guess no one in Spokane ever heard of them then.” Nah. That is their real draw, I am just giving people the benefit of the doubt because I have been told all my life that if I haven’t seen the success, that means I haven’t been working hard enough. What’s great about this though is that if they have a contract and guaranteed money, they will leave and do it to the next club or event space. No club wants to announce to the world that they had a low turn out for a show, so these people can keep on doing it until they get a DUI or something.

Is this bad for the industry

When I was thinking about writing this all up, the last thing I wanted to do was come off bitter. That is what guys who haven’t grasped technology do. Having a following online is a great way to connect and grow your audience. When you can show the same results with the use of technology, it changes the dynamic from funny and lucky to bot user and lucky.

I am not going to sit here and say that this is the end of comedy clubs and all that. Comedy clubs are in a weird space in the American entertainment landscape. There are so many comedians that can say any number of things that an unknown number of people can find off-putting or offensive. It is still weird when people won’t look up a video or anything on the comedian they are going to pay money to see just to find out if they fit their sensibilities. Do you just buy two tickets to see ‘Debbie does Dallas’ at 8 without trying to find out what kind of business she got in Dallas in the first place?

Comedy clubs have to be able to find people that will attract an audience. It is too hard to comb through every video and email every comedian you like when you can see someone that has a large social media following and hang your hat on that.

Where it does affect the industry is that everyone is chasing the same get big quick scheme. It is not about having an act that will just crush for 50 minutes. It’s about doing whatever it takes to gain a significant amount of social media presence and going to the clubs with that information. When you got people worried about how to make a video go viral instead of their act you may have an issue.

Checklist for the first time comedian

So, you found this…thing when you googled “First time comedian” or something like that. Well, I am glad you are here. I have been doing this for the same twenty people for way too long, so it is always good to have a new set of eyes (or if you have only one eye I am sorry for assuming). When you read these…things…you will see lots of advice and subpar writing, but at least the advice is…something.

You should know what you need for that first time getting on stage. Every veteran comedian knows there will be a swarm of you guys looking to break in at the start of the new year so check these off your comedy to-do list before you even put your stage pants on.

1. Look up stages in your area

This may seem like a simple thing, to google comedy spots in your neck of the woods, but I have met many people that didn’t know for years that we had a comedy club in Spokane, WA. Look for more than just comedy spots because many places with stages (or sometimes not even that) have open mics. That is a place where comedians go to tell jokes to people more drunk than they are. Some open mics have sign up list that you have to fill out online so make sure you know all that beforehand.

2. Please for the love of Betty White (RIP) write some jokes

Lots of people from the outside look at comedy as something just off the cuff. That these people are walking up on stage with a vague notion of what they are going to say…and some do that, but the vast majority of comedians have written jokes that they have performed to the point that they are as sharp as can be. The jokes don’t have to be Shakespeare, they just have to be stuff written down so when you are on stage you are not so nervous that you forget everything you thought you were going to say.

3. Know the rules

Nothing makes veteran comedians dislike a new guy more than when they burn the light their first time. Every open mic I have ever been to will tell you how much time you have. Time is the most important thing to a comedian, and open mics even more so because a lot of those people only get that time to work on material. Also find out if you have to check in with the host that you are there. Some clubs have a rule that if you miss your spot you won’t be able to go up for a certain amount of time.

4. Don’t drink

People say it all the time, “It calms my nerves!”. You know what I see a lot of the time? A first time comedian that gets up wasted and forgets their material and just has a bad time and never does it again. Don’t ruin your first time by drinking. At least find out how your nerves will be before you get on stage to see if it even bothers you. I have met people that are not phased by stepping on stage.

5. Have a good time!

This may be your first and only time on a comedy stage. You may get up there and realize that you do not like it. None of that matters though. What you should do is get up there and give it all you got and try to have the best time possible. No one has gotten on stage once and became the next Jeff Foxworthy. So don’t worry about the future and focus on the time you are about to spend making people laugh (or not laugh, hell I don’t know you).

Hopefully this helps you with your new year’s resolution. It is always nice to see people check something that they have wanted to do for awhile off their list.

I think I will turn this into a multi part post by moving on to a checklist for the open mic comedian…

The Best of 2021

2021, a less sucky 2020. This decade is off to a crappy start, but there were some bright spots this year, let’s talk about them!

Best Comedy Special

Phillip Kopczynski: Live at the Spokane Comedy Club

Full disclosure: I have eaten at Phillip’s house and rode on his boat. With that being said, his special was a delight! This may be easy for me to say seeing what he did to get it out to the world. He produced it himself, paying a team to film and edit it. He got a distributor to get it out to the masses (and that is easier said than done) and promoted it almost entirely by himself. That would be an achievement all on its own if it wasn’t for the fact that he is not a household name. He isn’t selling out theaters. He is a guy that works and believes in himself and continues to push and do the things that are needed to become that next big thing. I love the special and I hope you check it out.

Most Read Post

Not All Stage Time Is Created Equal

This is not a big blog. It averages a couple hundred a month which is about right for a no body. My most read post talked about looking at the stage time you are getting and seeing if it is worth all the effort you are putting into it…or the lack of effort. I think I got the idea after watching an open mic guy go up and do the same jokes he was telling for years now and it got me thinking what did he think he was getting out of it. I didn’t see it as valuable. I saw it as a waste of time, so I decided to waste your time by typing up my thoughts.

Best Trend In Comedy

Trying to correct wrongs

Comedy has a lot of problems with it…a lot, but one thing I have seen is that bigger comedians are trying to do better for the comedians in the lower ranks. I have seen guys give more money to features and try to diversify the line up so the show is a bit more appealing to a larger demographic than just the people that pay to see them. This opens the doors for minorities as well as women to get more pay out of their stage time and that is always great.

Worst Trend In Comedy

Big comedians complaining about being cancelled

I watched no less than three specials this year where the comedian talked about getting cancelled and how it is out of control. Not only is that ridiculous, but it is pretty odd that they complain about getting cancelled for saying stuff…while they are saying the stuff and going on to make a great living. I was under the impression that getting cancelled meant you could no longer work and was kicked out of society. What is happening to these guys (and they were all guys by the way) is they are saying something terrible, people say it’s terrible and they continue about their lives. That is not getting cancelled, that is getting called out on your bullshit.

I watched Dave Chapelle’s latest special and it started great…until he leaned in to the things he was talking about for three specials and how he was going to get cancelled, but he went on to get his documentary shown (the same one he complained about not having a distributor) and make more money! It’s like as these comedians get older and the longer people have told them they are the greatest the more they want a one way conversation. That is not how speech works. If you say something stupid people can say it is so. You either have to admit to it or keep it moving. Instead these guys are beginning to act like babies.

That’s it for 2021. I have one last show and then I am on to 2022 where there are shows all over the country. I hope 2022 grows my comedy a bit. I want to do a monthly sketch. I want to release another album (or two) and I want to do a couple shows with my buddies. I hope the new year greets you warmly and without covid in your body. Thanks for reading my bullshit.

I Don’t Know What To Name This One

Look, as far as my comedy career goes, I am a failure. I can’t get booked in clubs because no one knows who I am. I am that guy you call when no one else will come to the theater in you small town. I am just a comic. I started writing these as a way to put out ”content” but not very many of you read it so I have failed at that as well. In my years scratching and clawing to make comedy work I have come to these crossroads many times wondering which way I should go, or if I should just lay down in the road instead.

The incident

I am writing this on a Saturday right after headlining a show in a theater. That sounds good, but there are hundreds of theaters all over this country looking for a reason to exist. Because I am a no name comedian, I don’t have an agent or manager because there is nothing to manage. I am a vulture of the comedian landscape. I get the scraps that are left over after all the hyenas and lions of the comedy kingdom have had their full.

The place is a dump. It smells on the way inside as if to warn you that nothing good grows here. I am early because I wanted to see if there was a place to setup my camera. There is none. well, nowhere that would not lead to me having my camera snatched. I look over the place with optimism because as a failed comedian you have to have faith that one day…one day…it won’t suck as much.

I sit and play games on my phone wondering what my set should look like. I look at my watch and it is almost showtime! I should go see how many people we have. None. We have no one in the theater because no one is at the door to let them in. I watch the audience trickle in and I do mean trickle. I look above the doorframe to see ”Capacity 350”. Well, no need to worry about that happening tonight. As there are about 20 locals scattered about this theater. There are opening acts and a host. While sitting there looking at the people who paid 20 dollars for a show that is starting late, it all washed over me. This is what failure looks like.

No blame

Even though the show started late and it seemed like a mess and a comedian just ran the light, and it didn’t look professional at all. I can’t blame anyone. I am done blaming people for these things. If I wanted the show to work out I should have been vocal about it. I could have easily went up to the show running and tell him to start the show instead of sitting there and waiting. I could have told the staff to cut that dude’s mic for going over time. There are many things I could have done because I have done hundreds of these shows now and I know what makes an audience feel like it is money well spent and an audience that feels as though they have been duped.

I am no longer that 25 year old guy that is just going with the flow. I love comedy, but I also have to be aware of my situation. I blame myself for booking a show in which I just let the booker worry about getting asses in seats. I blame myself for how the show looked like a bunch of people playing ”comedy”. I blame my failure on me.

Push forward

I am still here doing it though. Why? It’s what I love more than anything in the world. I love comedy more than the comfort of a steady paycheck and finacial security. I love comedy like I love my kid. She is ambivalent to me, but all I want to do is be near her. Comedy is like my heart. I want to take care of it and watch it flourish even though it tries to kill me from time to time. Sometimes I really wish I could give it up and not crave the feeling of making people laugh. That feeling that something you made up makes someone laugh just fires up my soul. That is what makes me keep going even though I am constantly failing. I write these not only to assist those looking for a little help from someone, but I also write it to remind myself that even when I am feeling at my worst (like tonight), I still have love for this art.

Ways To Earn More Per Show

2020 has made it so now, if you are a working comedian, you may not be getting into rooms and clubs that you used too. There are just so many comedians in the pipeline and only so many venues that are still open and ready for comedy. So, you have to maximize each paid gig as much as possible to make up for it. Let’s talk about some ways right now.

The old tried and true

If you have read this blog at any point in the past five years, you know how much I support road comics (or any comedian getting paid really) getting merchandise. You may not have the money to get a lot, but you have to get some. I think it is very important for a comedian to have something to pitch at the end of a night of yuk yuks. You may think selling two or three shirts a show isn’t much, but that could be the difference between taking your pay for the night and paying for gas, meals, and/or lodging, and going home with more money then you intended to make. And here’s the thing, you don’t have to worry about a shirt! People are out here selling all kinds of stuff. Koozies, stickers, towels, onsies (for babies), and even funny business cards. Just something that will make the buyer chuckle a little more at the end of the night.

A good ole fashion tip jar

I have done shows in the past where the tip jar would be passed around. I saw it again during some shows I performed this past weekend and I must say it is an effective way to get people to chip in a little more. I think this works best at a show with no cover charge, you don’t want to ask paying patrons to give up more money. The thing is several years ago when I saw this done I ended up with seven bucks. Last weekend, I ended up with over fifty! And that was just my share! Most people are willing to put up a couple of bucks if they are enjoying a show.

The tip jar evolved

Another thing I saw at this show wer little flyers being placed on each table with the performers Venmo handle. That way if you like the comedian you can send them some money. This is something I had never seen and was skeptical about it at first ( I always am). My skepticism melted away as I kept getting emails throughout the night notifying me of people sending my Venmo account money (KingPeppersnake if you are so inclined to do so yourself). It worked really well and I ended up making a nice little chunk of change from that as well. A lot of people walk around with no cash nowadays so it is great to have your cashapp or Venmo out there for a happy audience to throw some bucks your way.

In end the goal is to maximize the amount of money from each possible show. This is the same thing many businesses do when you go purchase something. Gamestop, for example, will ask if you want an extended warranty on a game or to subscribe to a magazine or sign up for a credit card. All these things are to try to get as much money from each customer. The thing is, you can use this in a non predatory way by using numbers to your advantage. Instead of being like Gamestop and trying to get say, $75 bucks from each person per visit, if each person attending the show (this will vary of course, but this is just an example) is handing you an extra couple of bucks that can add up to a nice amount of money.

I had the opportunity to do three shows this weekend, each offering different ways to get a little more money in the pockets of comedians. I made the most money selling my shirts of course, but that is because I am offering a product on the side of the comedy. Tip jars and asking for tips via Venmo is good, but not really gonna match merch because an audience member will not get anything else in addition to the comedy. Take that in mind as you try to find ways to stave off this tricky area the industry is in.

If I had to decide what would work best in a certain situation, I would say, a tip jar would work great for bar shows. If you are at a winery or a brewery, I would go the Venmo way, and merch works everywhere. If you are performing at a club I would use the Venmo route for showcase shows and the like.

Hopefully this can help put a little extra in your pockets.

Why are There so Many Sociopaths in Entertainment

I have spent the past couple of days watching the documentaries on the Fry Festival and all the terrible things that surround that. One thing that I noticed about both (other than the Hulu one was much better than the Netflix one) was how easy Billy McFarland, the head of this bullshit snake, was able to scam people out of millions upon millions of dollars. Then I got thinking about my own experiences and realized that there are a lot of sociopaths in the entertainment industry.

As a comedian, I have my ass in all other sorts of creative endeavors and there is almost always a person there pulling the strings, and sucking the life out of others. They are almost always failures in whatever it is they decided to do. I have been around music promoters, comedy promoters, and producers that are so good at suckering in people.

But why? Why are there so many sociopaths (a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience. – google search) in the entertainment industry? Well, the biggest reason is because there is normally not a barrier to entry. All you have to do is say you are a comedy booker and you can operate as such until everything crumbles around you. You don’t have to know how to play a single note to put together a show, as long as you can get the person that has the building you plan on having this show agree to let you enter.

You also get to deal with damn near the perfect victims. A lot of people in the entertainment industry are on the outer parts of it. Like me, for example, I get paid to perform comedy, but I am not a known entity. I am the type of person that a sociopath loves because they can feed on my want to get higher on the comedy totem pole. These guys will tell you anything you need to hear in order for you to go with them on their bullshit. Sociopaths have this ability to lie so easily that even the hardest people will fall for it. It’s even easier because those of us on the outer edges of entertainment want any route to get to the next level.

So you have an easy industry to enter and victims that want to believe everything you have to say. I have been a victim many times from people that want you to believe that they are that next big promoter or the next booker people will bend over backwards to please. You also don’t have to deal to much with your victims. If a show goes bad and no one got paid? Oh well. Next time it will work out. Then after the fourth show, when people finally realize that they are dealing with a con man, they have made money to make it seem worth it. Then they just either move to a new city or lay low until it is time to do it again.

My advice to all up and comers in entertainment is to take almost everything with a grain of salt. Just remember the old saying: “if it seems to good to be true, it usually is.” Don’t fall for the traps that many do. Don’t pay for stage time. Don’t sling tickets if that is the only way you can get on stage. Don’t perform before you find out what you are getting as compensation. Thanks.

My Time in the 39th Seattle International Comedy Competition

I was one of 32 competitors in this year’s Seattle International Comedy Competition (SICC).  I will talk about a couple of things that I experienced during my second time competing in this competition.

For those that aren’t familiar with this, this is a multi week competition all around the Western part of Washington state.  The first two weeks of the competition are the preliminary rounds.  The top five for both of those weeks move on to the semi-finals and the top five move on to the finals.  There have been a lot of amazing comedians that have taken part in this competition.  Many people submit each year and it is quite an accomplishment to get to compete (at least in my opinion).

When I was selected to be one of the 32 competitors I chose to compete in the first round.  There were a lot of Seattle locals in this round so I was nervous because of home town advantage and all.  I had worked on a set that I thought would work well and I was ready.  Me and fellow Spokane comedian Michael Glatzmaier were late because like a lot of people we underestimated Seattle’s notoriously bad traffic.  That first night sets the tone for the rest of the week for a lot of people.  Those that are suited to move on will, and those that may have bitten off more than they can chew (always wanted to say that) can usually be found looking out into the world in confusion.  I placed first the first night with what I think was my best performance of the entire competition (which is bad because it was the first night of the entire thing).  I felt like my set was dialed in and I was confident it could get me to the semi-finals.  The rest of the week, I placed second in each show.  For the week I finished first and I was comfortably moving on to the finals.  There was only one other show in which I thought I did well enough to finish first, but when you get called second you kind of forget about all that.

The semi-finals was not as comfortable as the preliminary round (of course).  I had a week to lay about and think, and the five comedians from the second week were still sharp going in.  I hadn’t worked on a semi-finals set as much as I had liked so I was basically trying to cobble something together.  I took what I was doing during the prelims, and added another couple jokes onto it.  I won the first night and I was feeling really good.  Then things got pretty bumpy after that.  Took fourth the next night.  Didn’t place at all the third night.  The fourth night I placed second, but I was still worried because this competition is score based and so placement doesn’t mean as much if everyone else’s scores are really close. The last night was in this enormous theater and everyone brought the heat.  I finished third for that night and fourth for the week.  I was the only one from the first week to move on to the finals.

I knew I was in trouble because my plan of action didn’t take into account making it to the finals.  I have a lot of  material.  Two (or three if you count an earlier DVD I did) albums and an iPad full of jokes means that when you are in a competition, you have too much to chose from.  Do I go with the older material that works great, but I haven’t done in awhile, or do I go with the newer stuff that I have been doing more lately, but may not be “winning” material.  I went with going with the material I have been doing lately and slapping one of my closers on the end.  I was excited about making the finals with a group of amazing comedians.  I was there with my buddy Phil who finished first for the week in the semi-finals and that first night I was just up there having fun.  I finished fourth for the night.  I was happy and life was good.  After the second night though, I realized I maybe the only one just happy to be there.  I finished that night second, but I could see on the other comedian’s faces that they were trying to win.  That’s when I realized I should probably try better.  The next couple of nights were rough because no matter what I wasn’t finishing how I wanted.  On the last night, first was pretty much decided and second was pretty hard to get to.  I decided to do more of my more opinionated material because I was in the heart of Seattle and it didn’t really matter at that point.  I took a time penalty and ended up fifth for the night and fifth for the entire competition.

These competitions teach you what you are made of as a comedian.  Will you fold and just mail it in to get it over with, or will you keep pounding away until you reach the finish?  Do you have great material are you full of hot air?  Overall I am disappointed in my finish because I expect more from myself.  Yes, it is good to be there, but those couple of shows in which I was just “happy” to be present was my ultimate downfall.  I want more from myself because I have been doing this for so long.  I think I am also embarrassed.  I know it may seem silly, but I was embarrassed to be beaten.  Competitions are weird like that.

What you have to learn from these things is that not finishing first doesn’t mean you can no longer be a comedian.  Plenty of comedians never got out of the preliminary round and went on to make a name for themselves.  There is also so much work out there when you are around comedians from all over the planet.  I have booked so much work as of late all because of this competition.  I also have a couple things that could really be big in the new year.  So all in all, a pleasant experience.

Gift Ideas for the Comedian in Your Life (2018 edition)

We have done this three times now, so why not do it again!  These are just some of the top gifts a comedian would love to get.  I have these broken down by level of comedian, but that doesn’t mean if someone is just starting out they wouldn’t like a new phone.  It’s based on price mainly.  So let’s get into this!

Open Micer:

Comedians love pens, man!  Get them these and they will thank you all year round.  They need pens to sign up for open mics and most importantly, for writing the material that will one day get them out of the basement of a hotel and onto the stage of a fancy comedy club.

Hook em up with some notebooks.  Comedians go through tons of these damn things.  So you might as well get them some nice ones so they can look back at all the dick jokes they wrote.

If the comedian in your life is serious about their performance, then they should be recording it to see if the laughs are coming when they want them and to pick up on any bad habits they have on stage.  This is a cheap option if you are not going to use an app on your phone.

Get em a lyft gift card.  I don’t have a link, so you will just have to type it into your pocket computer.  Driving to all these spots will waste a lot of gas.  Hook em up with an adult (that is usually not drunk) that will drive them around.

 

Feature:

Update the sound coming out of your phone, so you can hear yourself even better than a voice recorder that will get all the noise in the room (really bad if you are doing a show in a bar).  Grab this mic from Rode that will enhance your sound as well as video if you want to record video with your smartphone.

I am always looking for ways to record myself performing.  I can see my mannerisms and check on act outs and adjust them if I am going to crazy.   You can also use a good recording to send to bookers if you are in a pinch (I would use a camera and not my smartphone).  That is why getting a tripod for you smartphone is great! This one is a good option.  It comes with a remote so you can start the recording as soon as your name is called.

Get your love one the gift of spotify!  I rock Apple Music, but I know not everyone is into Apple Music as much as they are into Spotify.  This will help them calm down before a set, or help them not loose their mind while driving to a gig, or set the mood while they are getting some action after a show.  I don’t know what they are into, but the gift of music is normally a great one.

Headliner:

Wanna blow a comedian’s mind? Get them this!  This is one of the best laptops you can get and the only way they wouldn’t like this is if they like Macs (like me). This laptop will have enough power to help them make up posters, record and edit podcast and play all those sexual documentaries comedians love.

If you know me in real life (and not just from my crappy writing) then you know I love my iPad.  Well, I personally now have an iPad Pro and it is one of the best tablets available.  You can get a surface, but I feel the speed and portability of the iPad can not be beat.  I edit photos and videos on this bad boy.  I write my jokes into it, and I watch netflix on it when I am in a hotel room far from home.  My electronic companion.

Comedians need a good phone so they can take all those calls from people wanting them on their shows.  Now you can grab an iPhone, but they are pricey (especially the new XS ones).  How about the baddest Samsung has to offer.  The S9 has great big screen and a nice camera so you can get selfies with all those stars they are hanging out with.

 

If you want a dedicated camera to record sets for submission or even just to look at get this bad boy! This is a great camera, and I have seen the video from this camera with my own eyes and several comedians have this.

 

There you have it.  Some gift ideas for that comedian in your life.  Give the gift of consumer electronics to fill that hole in their life.  I am sure that any of these gift would be great to give to almost anyone, but comedians will find extra use from them.

Having to Prove Your Worth

Comedians are always out trying to get work and that means proving to the promoter/client why you are worth what you are worth.  I have written articles on why its important to get what you think you are worth in every instance in which you can.  This article is a little different (and a little late, blame World of Warcraft).  I will tell you how you can look someone in the eyes and tell them why you are asking for that amount.

Think of it as a full time job:  I never understand why comedians are never thinking of comedy as a job.  Almost everyone I talk to would like to do nothing, but comedy but how can you when you don’t think of it as something that can replace the money you make during your day job.

What niches do you fill:  You have to be able to know what demographic you attract.  Do you bring in the younger crowd?  Do you bring in the wine drinkers? Maybe the type of comedy you do attracts a certain person.  My friend Michael Glatzmaier, plays the guitar and improvs songs.  That is an incredible niche that can fit in a variety of situations.  Comedy is not just bars and clubs anymore.  There are retirement communities out there that are looking for entertainment, and if you work clean (at least PG-13), you can book those shows during the weekday and still have the weekend available.  If you know what niche you fill, you can express that to whoever is looking to hire you.

Sicker than the average:  I had someone email me from a place and wanted to know what I charge.  Once I told them, they asked me why I would charge that much when they could get someone for half that.  This happens a lot during the holiday booking season (this was one of those shows).  This is when you have to hype yourself up a little.  I am not that good at doing this, but in order to justify why I charge what I charge, I will state some information for them.

The first thing I let them know is how long I have been doing it.  This should express to them that I have been in enough situations to perform a show that the majority of people in the room will enjoy.  Then I let them know that for what they are looking for, (which makes it important to know the talent pool in the area) there are not that many that can do it.  This is why it is so important to be able to perform clean (when need be).

Hopefully this can help those of you out there that have been having trouble justifiying what you want to charge.  It is hard to stick to these tips when you know there are people out there that will take less for the same show.  I try to look at it like this:  I am asking for an amount equal to the annoyance of performing when the suns out (or in a living room or dance floor etc.). So don’t fold and you will see the benefits!