What is “real” in the comedy industry (apply to the entertainment industry as a whole)

I just finished an episode of ‘Black Market’ on Vice. The episode in question, talked about the use of “bots” to inflate numbers on streaming services and cause you to not be able to get that cool new item that just hit store shelves. Now, bot is a term used for programs that do what humans do, but way more efficiently. So, you want the new Jordan’s. You would have to click on the shoes and do all the fraud stuff to finally click purchase. A bot can do all that in seconds, and with multiple bots on the same page, they can scoop up all the in demand product before you got your wallet out. Now in terms of entertainment, it is being used to inflate streaming numbers. Bots are also being used to inflate social media numbers so that a person looks better to people wanting to use their platform to sell stuff.

So, as I watched this show, I thought to myself: What is real in this business?

Nothing new under the sun

You’ve no doubt heard the saying “nothing new under the sun” and that is the case here. Companies and business interest have been propping up certain people for ages to attract a certain clientele. In the old Hollywood days, they would have two up and coming stars go out on the town together to get the gossip going for a new movie. A rock band would get a sexy album cover done up so as to bother the pearl clutching masses.

When I first started comedy, the bringer show was popular. A bringer show is where the promoter will tell the acts that they will have to bring people to the show in order to get on stage. The more people you brought, the more stage time you got. This really inflated the numbers for the promoter. They look as though they know how to put on a show, when in fact they sold stage time.

There was also the “trick” of having a person that could fill seats “headline” and flood the rest of the line up with people because the headliner couldn’t do as much time as a headliner is usually required to do. Again, it inflated the confidence in the person that they could headline when in fact they used their family and friends to have a cool night at a bar.

Technology makes everything easier…and harder

Once social media became a thing and you could reach out to more people than just those within your view, it opened up a whole new level of tracking popularity and ways to exploit it. There are legit comedians who got a big push because they were relentless on social media. Any comedian that is decent can do this. If you are funny, and can make compelling content for social media you can see you numbers rise…maybe.

You see, those people I talked about up there are a very small number of super human, super weird people. Think about it. You have to be on social media and pumping stuff every day. The algorithm demands it! There are a lot of comedians that just forget or loose steam or have other things to do. I was on the road this weekend, and I had photos from the show I wanted to post, but because I was driving, in the freezing fog, I had other things on my mind than posting sick photos on social media. It is hard to keep up with the appetite of people that just want to be entertained so a lot of comedians will not gain as much traction as maybe their talents would relay.

We finally talk about bots and comedy

Stand-up comedy can be affected because just like music labels and advertising companies, clubs and promoters and bookers are looking at these same social media numbers to see if someone is “worth” it. Here is an example: Comedian A and Comedian B are both trying to get into a comedy club for this open weekend. Comedian A has 12 years of experience and some credits, but nothing that jumps off the page. Comedian B has been doing it for four and has amassed a following on Tik-Tok of 250k followers. The club will more than likely go with Comedian B.

This is not to say that Comedian B doesn’t deserve it. It’s just that for as long as stand-up has been around, the way up was creating an act that was funny through and through. So, just from what you see in front of you more experience could translate into a better show and happier patrons and repeat customers. That is not how comedy clubs work however. There is too much risk in having a low turnout weekend because no one knew the comedian they had there.

It’s not like clubs didn’t have an answer for this already. When a club had a person come in that wasn’t moving tickets organically, they would just “paper” the room. Papering the room is just giving out free or discounted tickets. The club isn’t really concerned about the money at the door (in some, but not all situations). They want to get into your pockets when you sit down to eat and drink, they just need you there. So, going with Comedian B and their 250k followers he has the potential of selling out a room…maybe.

Something is afoot

Here is where the issues lie. How do you know that the numbers you look at are true and not just inflated by none booze drinking computers? Sometimes by the time it’s too late. The club has the information that they usually dug up themselves or was given to them by the agent of the person coming in. Of course those numbers are gonna look more favorable for the talent. So the club doesn’t know if that person spent $1500 to get 100k followers or to get their videos to look as though more people are watching them. They just click on the profile photo and see that Comedian B has 250k followers.

In the online space, you can keep pulling this off until you accumulate a bunch of money and legit success or you get found out as a fraud. In the comedy industry though, it comes a lot quicker…and slower. Do you know how many shows I have done where the headliner was some Tik-Tok or Vine star and when I get there twenty people are in the audience? I used to say to myself: “Man, I guess no one in Spokane ever heard of them then.” Nah. That is their real draw, I am just giving people the benefit of the doubt because I have been told all my life that if I haven’t seen the success, that means I haven’t been working hard enough. What’s great about this though is that if they have a contract and guaranteed money, they will leave and do it to the next club or event space. No club wants to announce to the world that they had a low turn out for a show, so these people can keep on doing it until they get a DUI or something.

Is this bad for the industry

When I was thinking about writing this all up, the last thing I wanted to do was come off bitter. That is what guys who haven’t grasped technology do. Having a following online is a great way to connect and grow your audience. When you can show the same results with the use of technology, it changes the dynamic from funny and lucky to bot user and lucky.

I am not going to sit here and say that this is the end of comedy clubs and all that. Comedy clubs are in a weird space in the American entertainment landscape. There are so many comedians that can say any number of things that an unknown number of people can find off-putting or offensive. It is still weird when people won’t look up a video or anything on the comedian they are going to pay money to see just to find out if they fit their sensibilities. Do you just buy two tickets to see ‘Debbie does Dallas’ at 8 without trying to find out what kind of business she got in Dallas in the first place?

Comedy clubs have to be able to find people that will attract an audience. It is too hard to comb through every video and email every comedian you like when you can see someone that has a large social media following and hang your hat on that.

Where it does affect the industry is that everyone is chasing the same get big quick scheme. It is not about having an act that will just crush for 50 minutes. It’s about doing whatever it takes to gain a significant amount of social media presence and going to the clubs with that information. When you got people worried about how to make a video go viral instead of their act you may have an issue.

The “Passive” and “Aggressive” Pursuit of a Comedy Career

I have spent a couple of days trying to figure out how I was going to describe the concepts I wanted to talk about. I spent the weekend hosting shows, and that is when it hit me. There is a passive and aggressive way to go about your comedy career. I’ll spend a couple of paragraphs going over what I mean.

A passive way of going about your comedy career

When I say passive what I mean may be different depending on the comedian or type of person you are. You may not write many jokes hindering your ability to move up. You may never get around to emailing bookers and promoters. You may also be one that never sends out avails in a timely manner and kind of let dates “come” to you.

Those are very passive ways of trying to become a full time comedian. There are a lot of downsides to this method of course. It takes longer to gain momentum and in the comedy business all it takes is one unanswered phone call and you are no longer in a club’s rotation. Just accepting what comes your way is a stress free way of pursuing comedy because there is no pressure to bite and claw your way up. You just wait for a booker to need someone and you are good.

The problems of course arise when you are actually paying bills. Bills are not passive. They come every month whether you like it or not. It is hard to have a good credit score when you only have a handful of shows a month. The passive approach are for those that may have a second job or other interest that pulls them away from doing this full time. Maybe you only have a couple days a year in which you want to be out of town doing comedy. Then this is a decent approach.

The Aggressive approach

When you see a comedian on the tonight show, or someone in a sketch on SNL, what you are seeing are people taking the aggressive approach to their comedy careers. This is the rise and grind folks. The ones that will move to New York or LA and sleep in a gutter just go after it. This is obviously the more stressful of the two ways of going about it.

The person who is out there getting it are always emailing and calling and networking. They have a friend who knows someone that can get them the email of the one gal that can get them a spot on this show under a laundromat and they do not hesitate to email them out of the blue. These are the people that will call up bars in a town they are going to visit their parents at and see if they can line up shows. They are always doing something to advance their careers.

Problems with this course is that it can burn you out. There is a finite number of times a person can get no return email before they just move on. The rise and grind mentality of going after comedy is very much draining on those that may be more introverted or suffer from depression or a mental illness that interferes with their ability to endure negative outcomes.

My approach

I have had ups and downs like a lot of people who are comedians. Mostly downs. When I first started, I was pretty aggressive. I was emailing any and every booker and promoter I had information on. I got work. Then the great recession hit. I went to college so I could not just do comedy any time I wanted. I was passive for those years, just getting what came my way. Still writing. Still going to open mics, but comedy had change so much. Bar shows shrank, so one nighters were further away, making it difficult to do and then get to class the next day.

When I graduated college, it was hard to get back into that get out and get em mode. I was finally free, but I had bills and responsibilities that would have suffered had I just not worked and done comedy full time. Once I was able to go after comedy full time though, I was stuck in this weird cycle where I wanted to pursue comedy hard and be working almost every weekend, but there was a mental aspect to it I think that dragged me down.

I have talked to many comedians who are not bothered by it, but I do feel a little defeated when I am sending avails to places and hear nothing back. Spending hours sending emails and getting no replies can be very frustrating. I know it is part of the “game”, but when you are asking for a chance from hundreds of people, it drains you mentally and you just back away for awhile…which is not ideal. For instance. In 2019 I was having a great start to the year. I was sending out avails and trying to get in contact with people and by spring my dates had dried up. That got me down and It took until winter to pick back up because I had stopped doing all the things I was doing for years up to that point.

The comedy industry is hard. That is why so many larger comedians will have an agent or someone to book their stuff. It is so much easier to deal with everything else when the most draining aspect of a comedy career is taken care of. The thing is, the vast majority of working comedians you see do not have an agent. They are emailing people and calling and trying to get a bar that is next to the town they will be performing in to call them back. I would be lying if I didn’t want to just become a parole officer and be done.

What approach would I take? Aggressive. Why? It is very hard in this industry to make a living when there are a thousand other comedians that are knocking down doors to be the next big star. That is why there are millions of podcast with comedians and if you are on social media, you have a couple of comedians on your friend’s list. Everyone is trying to climb the same narrow staircase, and if you are waiting your turn you may never get it. I am 41, and I think of all the years I wasted just thinking my skill as a comedian would get my calendar filled. That is not the case. You can’t just build the chapel you also have to get people in the building.

So, this is the start of my count down. I have been doing this long enough and so I will be done after a time. I don’t know when, but I will write something on why that is. Until next time.

Checklist for the open mic comedian

I just wrote a checklist for the new comedian that may be doing it as a new year’s resolution, so I thought it was only appropriate that I also make a check list for the open mic comedian. Now, for this, I am saying open mic comedian as one that hasn’t been doing it that long. Just going to open mics and trying to write decent jokes.

1. Write!

You must write to improve in comedy. Yes, being able to look comfortable on stage (if that is your thing) is something that takes practice, but you will be much more at ease on stage if you write! This is a hurdle for a lot of comedians for a number of reasons. Maybe they are not sure about what they are writing. Maybe the chunk that they do gets a good reaction and they don’t want to do bad. It matters not! Write and be ready to tell them fresh jokes.

2. Hit the stage

Nothing will slow the progress of a comedian like not getting up regularly. Now, I can’t tell you what regularly is. When I first started there was only one open mic in town. When there were more I went to them all. Repetition is the only way to get so good at your material that you can tell it no matter what. The reason you want this repetition is that you want to be able to not use all your brain bandwidth just trying to remember your jokes. With your jokes out of the way now you can focus on acting out and other things that can make a comedian shine.

3. Work toward a simple goal

In my time, many comedians have approached me after a couple of months wanting to know how they can feature at the club or something. That is an admirable goal, but it is too big. When first starting out, you need to have manageable goals that won’t sideline you if you don’t achieve them. First work on getting five good minutes. After that work on another five. Now, try to get 15 good minutes. By the time you have 25-30 minutes of good material you will be have a better chance of getting that feature spot.

4. Go watch a show

Comedians are weird. They will want to get better, but then they won’t go down to their local comedy spot and watch how a “real” show is put on. I say real show because an open mic is not really a show in the tradition sense because anyone can get up and talk into the mic. A professional comedy show takes a couple of forms, but the traditional way is an MC, then a feature act (or middle), and a headliner (closer). Once you see how a show is put on you have a better sense of what is expected of you if that is your goal.

5. Don’t be afraid to ask questions

Ask. Inquire. Be nosy. Find out stuff! Information is so important in comedy. For an up and coming comedian it could mean the difference between wallowing in purgatory or getting work. You want to know the ins and outs of places. Spots that you can travel to for time. People to stay away from. Ask and be open to suggestions. That is the way of the open micer.

Five Of The Biggest Mistakes I’ve Made As A Comedian

In life you will end up making a lot of mistakes. Most of the time you want to just learn from it and move on. I think from the biggest mistakes I’ve made as a comedian, I have moved on…to make more mistakes later. Here are the five biggest in no particular order.

Thinking clubs and bookers would want me because I’m funny.

I think a lot of comedians think that comedy is about being as funny as possible and everything else will sort itself out. Nope! Once I learned the true job of a comedy club or a comedy booker, my view changed. Being funny is a priority, it’s just not the first one.

A comedy club has to make money. You can be the funniest person on the planet and if you can’t sell your mom a ticket, a club doesn’t want you. Clubs will bring in people that they think they can make a profit on. It is not so much about art, it’s about keeping the lights on, and once you get that you approach it differently.

Comedy bookers and promoters are the same way. It is good to be funny, but better if they can get you to sell 1,000 seats at $50 a ticket. You can’t blame them! I have never met a comedy booker that was in it because he wanted to get art out there. They are in it to make money selling comedians to venues and if you happen to be someone that can put asses in seats the more of that they make.

Being shy about what I can do

I have a new Psychiatrist, and I don’t know when I will tell him that I am a comedian. That is how guarded I am about it. When I first started I was very much like that. I think that comes from being a naturally shy person, but in comedy, you have to be willing and able to put it out there. That doesn’t mean running around like an ass all day, but that also doesn’t mean not telling a soul like you have a couple bodies in the basement.

What being shy about comedy did was kept me from networking. Sometimes just hanging out at a bar with a comedian can lead to so many opportunities down the line. These organic ways of getting your foot in the door can lead to big things.

Believing everything everyone said

Man. If I got the number of shows people promised were right around the corner! People just say shit to entertainers because they think that is what they want to hear. There are a lot of people that think they are movers and shakers when in reality they are lazy and want to hype themselves up. People can also be incompetent, so they may have inroads with something, but just drop the ball until the chance passes. Now, I don’t count anything until I am walking through the door of the venue.

Promotion is key

I started in 2005 (or 2004 I wasn’t keeping track) before everyone was on social media. Promoting was going on Myspace and messaging people in the city you were about to perform in and telling them you had a show. At that time, I really thought that if you were funny all you then had to do was perform and it would build. That happens, but it is slow! Getting your name out is paramount to the success of a comedian. If you want to make an actual living doing comedy then you have to promote your stuff, and I am not talking about just posting it on your facebook page every once in a while.

It is vital that young comedians learn to take promoting seriously. I see so many of them just post a facebook flyer and call it a day. You are competing against everything and nothing. If a person has to decide between going to a place to see comedy from someone they may not know and just sitting at home doing nothing, they will usually do nothing, so you have to dazzle them with well made promotion to entice them like fish going for lure.

Trying to please everyone

Comedy is subjective. Some people may think you are the greatest comedian ever and some will think you suck. I would get on stage and try to get every soul in the building to love me. That is rarely going to happen. I feel like so many of us will do things that we are not comfortable with just so we can get others to accept us when it should be the other way around. They should accept you for who and what you are. Do the comedy that makes you laugh! Do what makes you want to grab the mic and talk into it until your voice goes hoarse. Either they will see the fun you are having and join in or they suck and you don’t need them in your life.

Did Covid Kill The Holiday Corporate Show?

A lot of road comedians get happy around September or October because that is the beginning of the holiday office party and bringing in the big bucks! In 2017 about 40% of my yearly earnings were made the last two months of the year, and that was all because of these holiday shows.

Why are they big money?

Companies love to find ways to boost morale that doesn’t involve paying their employees more. So they will usually have a get together around November or December where they have a party and pay for entertainment. It’s easier to pay a comedian than give everyone at the company a raise. The most I’ve done in one season was about eight and that wasn’t even the most money I made during that time! Thousands can be made in a short time if you know how to work it or if you get lucky (like I did in 2017).

It pays well because companies set aside that money just for such things. Depending on how big the company is, you can get a lot of money out of them for very little effort on your part. There is no flyer or promotion. There is not worrying about attendance. Hell, you even know you’re gonna get feed! It’s a great time if you can make it work out.

2020 changed everything

But then 2020 came around and screwed everything up! Last year was the first time in about a decade I didn’t have at least one Christmas party I was booked to do. Looking at the future is almost impossible now because with new variants and mandates and all that, its hard to see what the future will hold for people like me that get a big kick to their income from these types of shows. Will companies be more hesitant to get all of their employees together if its basically a super spreader event? Are companies rocked by 2020 and can’t afford a comedian? These are all things that I sit and think about as the holidays draw nearer.

What can be done

I am going to take a proactive approach this year. I am usually on the sidelines waiting to see what my buddies got going on or if a random booker emails and ask if I can do a holiday corporate show. Now, it is important to look at the companies you did business with in previous years and see if they are going to do anything for the holidays. Let them know you are available if they are. I am so bad at keeping records on companies that hired me that about 80% of them I have forgot, but I do know enough of them to google them up and ask about their plans. Maybe I am too expensive for them now, but that doesn’t mean no comedian can get that gig. Over the years I have sent many comedians work that I could not or would not be able to do. If I get in contact with a company and I am out of their price range I will also have to try to remember if I had a good time there or not. Sometimes it is worth taking a little less money if it means I get to have a kick ass time and eat candy canes off their Christmas tree.

2020 has messed with a lot of industries and comedy is no different. With the changing landscape there is no telling what may happen from day to day. I think 2021 will see some companies try to get back to normal and have parties and stuff, but it will not return to pre pandemic levels until around 2023. I think that will be when companies recover to the point that they will feel good about having get togethers on the level that warrants entertainment.

Treating Comedy Like A Job

Comedy, like a lot of entertainment type professionals, are mainly entered into because you love it. The problem is that if you are trying to pay your bills with nothing but comedy, you have to treat it like a job.

The problem is me

I think I could do a lot of jobs, but what keeps me from doing them is the people. That is why I don’t have an office job, the people sucked. When I moved into doing comedy exclusively, I tended to do what I would do at a normal job when someone isn’t looking: nothing. I don’t know how many hours I have wasted watching Youtube or playing video games when I should be doing everything to get more gigs. I think the reason it is so easy to put off is because the anxiety that comes with contacting people and working out dates and all of that just drains me mentally. The thing is, normal jobs used to do that as well! I just couldn’t take my pants off while doing it.

The hurdle

Comedy is about 10% jokes and 90% trying to get a club booker to answer your email. I just imagine my email getting tossed into a folder with the rest of the hopefuls that want to do their club just waiting to get deleted. The large majority of bookers out there have a stable of comedians that they will go with to get a show going. That is just how people are. We tend to take the nearest people around us, and forget the rest. I don’t think it is malicious or anything, it just becomes a problem when you need to fill out a 52 week calendar with more show dates and less “play video games and go to sleep” dates.

What should you be doing

The first things you should have done is a good headshot, a nice bio, and a video of your performance. Go get a professional headshot, and not a selfie. Writing up a bio should be a quick process of about four or five sentences about you and your comedy. Record your set and have different lengths. I used to have a three and ten minute video, but now I have heard people wanting even more. I don’t know why because they are not gonna watch it all.

Now that the basics are out of the way, you can treat this like a job. some people like to get up and write for a couple of hours, then check emails and respond to any they get. I can’t do it like that. I spend the first hour after waking up wondering where I am and how I am still alive. I usually check emails and if any are comedy related I get to those first. Most of the time I will get booking notices that are being sent to many other comedians, and it is a first come, first serve type of situation, so I want to reply as soon as possible.

Now that I got that out of the way, I am supposed to send out avails for the next couple of months. I say supposed to because this is the biggest anxiety point of being a comedian for me. I always feel as though I am begging and I am almost relieved when they never reply which is ridiculous! At least when they say no or to check back in later you have an answer, but that fear of hearing no paralyzes me. I have a list of comedy clubs and bookers that I go through and if I get a solid no I just leave them along for about six months. If I get a reply telling me to reply later I will note that. Out of the years of me doing this I have gotten into about 10% of the clubs I send avails to. That seems low, but you have to remember that they get a ton of emails and videos. If they don’t know who you are, or if you don’t have a ton of followers on social media then it is a tough road.

After that, if I have any video to watch I will look at it and see if there are any clips I want to cut and post to the web. I used to be one of those guys that thought less is more, but with social media you have to be releasing stuff regularly to gain the attention of these folks. So if it is a joke that I may not tell again I will post it to the regular social sites. I record a lot so that is another pain point with me. I will have hours of video that I somehow put off on watching and then when I finally get the nerve to, I have way to much of it and I end up deleting a lot of the videos

All that doesn’t really take that long. Maybe three or four hours. I usually write out the emails to the clubs one by one so they are not a copy and paste job. Usually because the references I have for different clubs will be different. Most of my time should be spent on generating content for social media because having followers or subscribers is a big deal to people trying to sell tickets.

Why is this so hard to do

The main reason why I don’t do this every single day is because I am not that disciplined. I like being able to do what I want to do, but when your job is to go across the country and make people laugh, you have to be regimented about it. Three or four hours of sending and replying to emails and editing videos would be most people’s dream. No boss breathing down your neck. No co-worker drama. Just you and your thoughts…and that may be why it is hard for me. I am not a pessimistic person, but I do have low self-esteem and that can drive me to avoid doing some of these things because I don’t believe I am good enough to earn them.

That fear of rejection and that thought of not adding up can really have a toll on your career. I have been doing this for long enough that most people in my position would be all over the country telling jokes, yet I am mainly a regional act because of depression and low self confidence. Treating it like a job makes you push through it because that is what you would do at your job. When I was in the military, I hated the monthly group meetings my job would do. I did it because it was what I had to do to avoid getting in trouble. Even though the stakes are much lower as a comedian, I try to see it the same way. That doing these little things is part of the overall profession.

Talent Isn’t As Important As It Seems.

Comedy is no different than any other industry or part of life. Skill in something does not translate equally to a resulting windfall in the end. Let’s talk about things more important than talent.

Passion

I have read many articles about athletes who were really talented in their sport, but because of a lack of passion for it, they didn’t exactly set the world on fire. I know several comedians locally that may be some of the best comedians I have ever seen, but they do no possess the passion to keep pursuing it. You will see throughout this whole thing (I don’t know whether to call them blogs or articles) that, especially for stand-up comedians, you have to push through the no’s and the let downs. Having a passion that keeps you moving forward is as important, if more so, than comedy. There are people I see year after year that keep coming to open mics because they are passionate about the craft and love it so much.

Adaptability

Do you know how many older comedians just stop doing comedy because they are still telling 25 year old jokes and no one books them anymore? A lot! Being able to adapt to the changes in the industry are really important. This comes from all sides. I know of bookers that were still using black and white head shots up to about two years ago because that was what they did for ages. What always gets me are the comedians that can’t seem to understand that an audience may want something different. Like older comedians that scream about woke culture or cancel culture when the truth is audiences want to see comedians that are punching up not down on marginalized people.

Confidence and Optimism

I put these two together because I don’t want to write separate paragraphs. Out of all these qualities I think these are the two most important. You don’t have to be the most passionate comedian, but if you are optimistic and confident in your abilities you could go far. Confidence is that ability to push past the negative because you understand what you bring to the table and optimism is the ability to think that there is a positive outcome later on. I know many comedians, hell I am one of those comedians, that lack confidence. Confident comedians will send an email to any club at any time because they are sure of the quality of their comedy. So many comedians are eating off nothing but comedy right now because they are confident enough to do the things less confident people (like myself) hesitate to do. Confidence will let you walk right up to a bar owner or a promoter and get yourself work.

Optimism (dammit I am still writing two paragraphs), helps because it won’t stop you from continuing to pursue something because of a setback. I know a comedian that is a feature level comedian, but when a club wouldn’t book him he just stopped trying to get in the club. I asked him like a year later if he made any headroom and he just told me he didn’t bother. That negativity will drive a lot of comedians out of comedy and keep some from their true potential. You have to have that inner belief that these things will work out, either through time, or better execution.

Self-awareness

Man, You would think that for a group of people that think about funny stuff all the time we would be more aware of ourselves, but alas…a lot of us don’t. This is so true with newer comedians, where they think that because they wrote it it has to be great. Nothing will sink talent more then the delusion of perfection. Some of the best comedians I know are aware of their short comings and work with it. You have to understand if you can’t do an hour or do a clean set or have the ability to understand that a joke may need to be punched up a bit to make it better. Nothing shows how unaware a comedian is than when they get notes from other comedians that a joke is either not good or is in bad taste and they do it anyway. I knew of a comedian that was doing a clean comedy competition. It was the prelims, and he has this joke that many, many comedians told him was not PG just because you don’t say cum. He goes on stage and rocks the place…then he closes with his cum joke. Didn’t get into the finals. Why? He didn’t look at the situation at hand and surmise that it may be better to tuck that one joke away for later.

Attitude

Boy! This is a big one. You can have all the talent and all the confidence in the world but if you are a piece of shit no one wants anything to do with you. This is very common in comedy because comics flow across the country like whales chasing plankton, but it usually catches up with word of mouth. I have worked with comedians, famous and not so famous that just had an awful attitude. It makes everything about comedy worse. You can come off the stage after a rocking set and within three seconds be drenched in their crappy attitude. A lot of the time with famous comedians it’s the fact that they are famous and if you aren’t they look down on you. With the not so famous comedians it could be that they think they should be more famous so they take it out on everyone around them or they think they are a big deal and take it out on everyone. The weirdest though are those on the bottom rungs. We are on the same noon show in the same corner of the park, why are you giving me grief?

Connections

If confidence and optimism are tied for the top two more important things than talent, then this is a close second (or third, however you want to count them). Nothing will help you more in your comedy career than connections! You can also call it privilege if you want, but I will call it connections. The thing about this one is a lot of people don’t even know that they have it. I consider myself privileged to pursue comedy full time because I am a disable veteran. That affords me the resources needed to survive above the poverty line. I used to be ashamed of it. Like it made me less of a comedian if people found out that Uncle Sam was paying off his end of a bargain we made when I was 19. Other people don’t see that. Like comedians who have parents to lean on for money or were given a car or a home. That is huge!

People know people that know people. This is a fact of life. Most people get their jobs because someone knows their uncle and can give them a good word. Having connections and being just an ok comedian is more important than being an amazing comedian and not knowing anyone. I feel like confidence plays a big role in this because with gaining connections you have to be willing sometimes to walk up to strangers or email people out of the blue. Having connections can turn one night in a small town into a weeks long little tour if you know the right people.

I’m not saying joke writing and stage time aren’t as important, but you have to understand that in today’s world talent can only get you so far. Look at other industries. Look at your job! How many people there don’t have a clue what they are doing, but are there because they know the bosses son or is a good co-worker. If anything this should tell you that you can’t just be a piece of poo and think you jokes will take you to the top.

Things I Still Don’t Know About Comedy

I have been performing comedy for awhile now, and I feel the longer I do this, the less I know about certain things. Here are a few.

How to fill your calendar

I know how to stumble into shows. I am great at that. You build a rapport with comedians and when they are booking stuff and they have already booked their close buddies and people in their immediate area, they book me. That is why I will have shows every month even if it is just a couple. I know someone that books something. That is not how most professionals book shows though. There is more planning in it that I have yet to get my noodle around. I chalk this up to ignorance as well as a pervasive anxiety whenever it comes to just connecting with someone out of the blue.

Promotion

I have seen what works for others, but when I enact it it just comes of flat. I did a weekend at a local club last week, and I had two ads out on it. Did that result in an uptick in audience? Nope! Is it because I decided to have someone illustrate my visage doing silly things like riding a fire breathing unicorn, or fighting a mechanical bear? I have no clue! I did it, I laughed, but no one else did it seems.

Recording a convincing audition video

I have tons of cameras around here…like weighed out all this crap weighs a ton. I know what promoters and bookers are looking for, I’ve asked them! I know how to record it so I don’t look like mashed potatoes. I can record the sound so it doesn’t sound like I am under water, yet, I have NEVER had a video clip of my comedy where I felt good about it. I don’t know if it is the fact that when I don’t document it I seem to have the greatest show of my life, or that low self-esteem keeps me from parading a good clip of my better stand up?

Booking my own rooms

I have produced shows, but I have always had help. I have never booked my own room. I am too anxiety ridden to do it myself. To me, calling a bar or event spot and asking if you can put on a show there is a monumental task, yet I seen it done all the time. Hell, that is how I get booked most of the time! When I have gotten asked to put on a show, I send it off to someone I know.

Messaging club bookers

I send out what people call avails. You send every club you think you can get into an email and you tell them when you are available to be booked. I don’t know how to go about this. I have a template I got from Steve Hofstetter (he didn’t personally give it to me he had it on an article he wrote). I am not that consistent with it because after about three months of no replies I get depressed and stop. Out of all the emails I have sent I got one date and that was to host and never got to go back there.

Write the perfect joke

Ok. This one is stupid one because there is no such thing as a perfect joke, but I am often in awe of comedians that write these clever jokes. I don’t know if it is because I am winging it so much or I am just a terrible writer, but that joke that I can’t wait to tell eludes me still. Some times I will sit and look at a screen just thinking of things to write that my be the joke that puts me over the top. I don’t know if other comedians feel like this, but I always feel like I am one joke away from getting to that next place in my career. I think that is why I am so anxious about this stuff. I filter out so many jokes that may work because in my mind they are not as good as they could be.

Not All Stage Time Is Created Equal

When you are first starting as a comedian you are told that the most important thing is stage time. Get on stage. You have to get on stage if you want to be a successful comedian. I will tell you right now that that is bull.

Why are new comedians told this?

When you are new, a veteran comedian will tell you to go to every open mic you can. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t cater to comedians! Just go up there in between acoustic sets and sling your yuk yuks. It is sound advice in theory because the more you do something the more comfortable you are at it. Getting on stage a lot helps calm your nerves and helps you focus on being as funny as possible. It can also help you with writing jokes, figuring out what actually works for you and your style, and ditch what doesn’t work so well.

Why is this not the best idea?

Like a lot of things in life, not everything is equal. That applies to stage time. In the above example, where you perform at a music open mic? That’s one of them. Any mic, be it a poetry mic or music open mic, may not be as welcoming to you and your jokes. That will lead to a more hostile crowd that may skew your view of your material. If no one is laughing, you may assume that it is because the joke isn’t funny. It may be because you encroached on their territory.

Another example of how stage time could actually be a bad thing is a poorly attended open mic. I have been to hundreds of open mics in my time, and the ones that drain the marrow from my bones are the ones where there are a small amount or maybe no audience. I can’t tell you what number of audience to comedians would make an open mic worthwhile, but I have done enough that if the room is mostly comedians it isn’t going to be much fun. Why? Because comedians are the worst group of people to make laugh. You are at an open mic, you have probably done those jokes at an open mic before. Those comedians are not gonna laugh at it. They are focused on their own jokes or playing on their phones or any number of things that make them a terrible audience.

A sparsely attended open mic may not be great, but the biggest mistake I see young comedians do is not be prepared. It doesn’t matter how much stage time you are getting, if you are doing the same material you have been doing for years, or you have no material and you are just up there fooling around, you were probably better off staying home. It kills me to see a young comedian not have anything they may have written during the time between mics and they stammer a bit and then say, “Well, what do you guys want to talk about?” That is a waste of time for the audience, the other comedians, and the staff that have to sit there while you fish for things to talk about. It makes even less sense when you think how little time you get at a lot of mics. If you are driving to a spot, paying for parking, sitting in that room for upwards of an hour and a half for three to four minutes and you ask the audience to help you try to be funny…I just don’t get it.

Getting wasted is also a great way to ruin stage time. I would hope most people understands their body enough to know how many drinks or weed cookies (?) it will take to put them in a coma. Don’t do that exact amount and then waste your time on stage. You are not using that stage time to create anything. You are using that stage time to make a fool of yourself.

I hope this helps some young comedian out there that has been told that they need to get on every stage in the state. It is valuable to see which demographics will like your jokes. It doesn’t help though if you are not using that time wisely.

Ways To Earn More Per Show

2020 has made it so now, if you are a working comedian, you may not be getting into rooms and clubs that you used too. There are just so many comedians in the pipeline and only so many venues that are still open and ready for comedy. So, you have to maximize each paid gig as much as possible to make up for it. Let’s talk about some ways right now.

The old tried and true

If you have read this blog at any point in the past five years, you know how much I support road comics (or any comedian getting paid really) getting merchandise. You may not have the money to get a lot, but you have to get some. I think it is very important for a comedian to have something to pitch at the end of a night of yuk yuks. You may think selling two or three shirts a show isn’t much, but that could be the difference between taking your pay for the night and paying for gas, meals, and/or lodging, and going home with more money then you intended to make. And here’s the thing, you don’t have to worry about a shirt! People are out here selling all kinds of stuff. Koozies, stickers, towels, onsies (for babies), and even funny business cards. Just something that will make the buyer chuckle a little more at the end of the night.

A good ole fashion tip jar

I have done shows in the past where the tip jar would be passed around. I saw it again during some shows I performed this past weekend and I must say it is an effective way to get people to chip in a little more. I think this works best at a show with no cover charge, you don’t want to ask paying patrons to give up more money. The thing is several years ago when I saw this done I ended up with seven bucks. Last weekend, I ended up with over fifty! And that was just my share! Most people are willing to put up a couple of bucks if they are enjoying a show.

The tip jar evolved

Another thing I saw at this show wer little flyers being placed on each table with the performers Venmo handle. That way if you like the comedian you can send them some money. This is something I had never seen and was skeptical about it at first ( I always am). My skepticism melted away as I kept getting emails throughout the night notifying me of people sending my Venmo account money (KingPeppersnake if you are so inclined to do so yourself). It worked really well and I ended up making a nice little chunk of change from that as well. A lot of people walk around with no cash nowadays so it is great to have your cashapp or Venmo out there for a happy audience to throw some bucks your way.

In end the goal is to maximize the amount of money from each possible show. This is the same thing many businesses do when you go purchase something. Gamestop, for example, will ask if you want an extended warranty on a game or to subscribe to a magazine or sign up for a credit card. All these things are to try to get as much money from each customer. The thing is, you can use this in a non predatory way by using numbers to your advantage. Instead of being like Gamestop and trying to get say, $75 bucks from each person per visit, if each person attending the show (this will vary of course, but this is just an example) is handing you an extra couple of bucks that can add up to a nice amount of money.

I had the opportunity to do three shows this weekend, each offering different ways to get a little more money in the pockets of comedians. I made the most money selling my shirts of course, but that is because I am offering a product on the side of the comedy. Tip jars and asking for tips via Venmo is good, but not really gonna match merch because an audience member will not get anything else in addition to the comedy. Take that in mind as you try to find ways to stave off this tricky area the industry is in.

If I had to decide what would work best in a certain situation, I would say, a tip jar would work great for bar shows. If you are at a winery or a brewery, I would go the Venmo way, and merch works everywhere. If you are performing at a club I would use the Venmo route for showcase shows and the like.

Hopefully this can help put a little extra in your pockets.