I thought I ran out of pet peeves, but people keep breathing so I keep hating the things they do. Lets get into it.
The “grand” open micer
This is the open micer that post on social media every place they are going to do a spot. Dude. No one wants to sit around for two hours through god knows what to hear you tell the same jokes for three minutes. Who are your friends that you think they have nothing else better to do than drink flat soda and listen to crazy people yell into a microphone? I do comedy for a living and I can barely stand it sometimes. I really think it comes from a place of self importance. That your open mic set is killer enough to invite people to it. Maybe I am just mad because when I started I didn’t really tell anyone for like three years.
The “So not a tour” tour comedian
Look. I get you are excited about the eight shows you got booked out of the zip code in which you live, but that does not mean you can just slap tour on a social media post! Comedians do have tours. A tour usually has parameters. Not just you going to several bars in a couple of months. The thing is everyone wants to fake it till they make it, that they will make a flyer, have eight bar shows on it, and call it a tour. Nah. you doing some shows no need to gussy it up. I feel as I get older that I tire of the glitter that is getting thrown on turds. Lets call it what it is. You got shows for the next couple of months. I love when a comic has like six shows lined up and they call it like the “Balls out tour”. You won’t be able to get your zipper down by they time its over. No need to call it something. Especially if its like four shows. No one goes on a four show tour. No one is wearing that tour shirt that has the names of three bars and a coffee shop.
Mr./Mrs. Delusional
I seem to have run into a lot more of these over the past several years. I think it is because fame can be had so quickly, that a lot of people assume that if you are kinda, sorta showing up you can get by. That is not how it works, but I still listen to the comic who thinks the club is disrespecting them by not letting the feature a weekend. I get being delusional. A lot of people’s view of reality does not track with what is really going on. The thing with comedy though is that you have to be somewhat aware of what is going on. How do you form thoughts that turn into jokes otherwise? I don’t know how many people each year will approach me asking why the club isn’t paying them. Is it a conspiracy? I do really well at open mics! Very rarely is a club just out against someone (unless they won’t book me). Then you have to be honest with yourself: Are you really doing well at open mics, or are you still doing the same three soggy minutes you have been doing for the past three years? Be honest! But not Mr./Mrs./Ms./X Delusional! They will chalk it up to the establishment not being ready for they spicy takes on cutlery.
People are also delusional about the work they are putting into stuff. A couple years ago I was approached by a comedian that swore he should be all over the country because “He was putting the time in”. This was the same guy that hardly showed up to mics (not a big deal), did the same stale five minutes for four years, and always got wasted and never did his time when he was on a show. He later left the city and went somewhere else so he could be taken seriously and now he is a used car salesman or something (nothing wrong with that). Putting work into comedy is not exactly one to one. Some people have to work harder to get where some people didn’t have to do much work at all. The thing is you have to be aware if you are putting in any sort of work at all. It’s like laying in bed eating doughnuts wondering why you can’t lose weight.
There it is! Another slapped together list of stuff I hate comedians doing. I am guilty of the first one. Even though I didn’t have any friends in the Spokane area after my divorce, I would still try to get people to come see me at open mics. I was so passionate about comedy that I thought it was normal for people to want to sit and watch people practice jokes. It is not. Only a very limited few like to do it. I am one of those idiots.
Riley's Spot 