Comedy and Your Significant Other

Comedy is a tough beast.  It’s even tougher when you are in a relationship.  I know comedians that have been with their spouse for decades and I know comedians that are on spouse three or four. This article will discuss ways to at least attempt to have a successful relationship.  I am not a marriage counselor so if you and your love are having issues, please seek one out.  I am just a guy that has seen and been through stuff.

I think it is important to sit your significant other down and have a discussion.  Let them know what to expect.  If you are a person that isn’t pursuing comedy that hard, then just let them know that it is a hobby of yours and you will be out on certain days.  If this is your dream and you are chasing it hard, you have to set them up for a lot of stuff.  It’s important to let them know what comedy entails. We as comedians, just assume that everyone knows what we do.  They don’t.  A lot of the time, laymen assume we walk on stage and just produce these organic dick jokes.  This is why you have to approach your mate, and tell them the truth, those dick jokes take a lot of writing and performing.  That means late nights at comedy clubs and bars.  It seems like a no brainier, but I can tell you of many instances where comedians were surprised that their lover didn’t know what dating a comedian meant.  If you are actually performing and making money, you have to let them know that the pay is low and the travel is aplenty (at least over on the west side of the country).  What this does is prime them.  They can then make the decision to continue a relationship with you if it means that you may not be around a lot.

Another big thing, I feel, is letting them know comedy show etiquette.  I have seen comedians come in with their spouse and they will raid the green room of all the consumables.  You have to be the one to tell them how to act (not everyone was raised right).  You should tell them that just because you are on stage or on the show, that they should not be causing a disruption to the show.  That free booze for you, the comedian, does not usually extend to free booze for your significant other as well.  I haven’t had an issue with this.  I have had an issue where my girlfriend at the time thought it was weird that I was in the green room before the show instead of chilling out in the audience with her.  What I did, was I sat her down, and told her that it may seem like I am making things up as I go, but I have actually plotted the course for the show (sometimes, I never said I was a great comedian), and I need the time to gather these thoughts.  See to your love one, it may be a night out, but to you it is your job.  Letting them know how you work before a show also keeps them from thinking that you get weird whenever you are about to perform.  Some comedians can just hang out right until they have to get up on stage.  Some need to be in a pit and raised by a series of ropes and pulleys unto the stage. Whatever it is let them know.

I travel a lot as a comedian, and I think a lot of people can not handle this aspect of comedy life.  You have to know if your mate is fine with being alone a lot of weekends out of the year.  Social media also gets in the way a lot as well.  If they can not handle you having your photo taken with a bunch of random people then you may need to go your separate ways.  I was dating one young lady that assumed I was just a party animal.  I am not, but if people pay to see you sling dick jokes, you better at least appreciate them.  So, when she saw a photo of me and some lady smiling, she assumed it was something nefarious when all it was was someone who gave me 10 bucks for a CD that they were probably never going to play.

Comedians are weird creatures.  We have a weird sense of humor and we tend to analyze a lot.  That is our make up.  If your significant other can’t handle these things, then it may be best for you two to call it.  I have told every lady I have been in a relationship with since starting comedy, that this is my first love.  I love writing and performing and since I do it to pay the bills, they have to understand that I will not cancel a show because it is on a Saturday and we were going to go to the beach, or because it’s your grandparent’s anniversary.  If you are going to treat it like a job then that means you may not be there for everything.  Being open and clear is the best way to have a happy, healthy relationship…I should have just written that instead of all this.

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Comedy And Relationships

I have been doing comedy for almost ten years and in those 10 years I have been in two relationships.  In those two relationships, I have had so many fights about comedy and it’s after effects that I stopped counting long ago.  If you are going to pursue comedy, you will need a partner that is not only secure in the relationship, but also encouraging.  I think the biggest reason for falling outs is that a lot of the time, people see comedy or theater as a hobby, not something someone can really do to earn a living.  That is the big reason why I ended up going to college.  My girlfriend at the time (We shall call her Miriam…because that was her name) wanted me to get a good paying job.

I have seen more often than not that the biggest reason a relationship falls apart because of comedy is when the person that is not a comedian starts feeling like they no longer matter.  This is on the comedian.  You can not expect to have someone as a back up plan when there are no open mics or shows that night.  It is always important to let them know that they are very important to you.  You have to understand that a relationship with a comedian is not like dating a banker.  There are late nights and drunks and even a mean spirited little person.  With that said, you have to have a partner that is secure enough that they will come with you to events or they can find things to do when you are not around.

I think when people get into relationships with comedians they have to understand first of all that you are dealing with someone that doesn’t think like you do.  They may see things a little twisted.  They may make fun of things that are sacred to you.  If that is the case then you need to find someone that can sit still at Nanna’s funeral (Who puts a hat on a body in a casket? Of course I’m gonna laugh.).

There will be instances where they are out until weird times of the night because they are out doing comedy and no one likes comedy when the sun is up.  They will also be accosted by drunk old men, women, and children.  If you are used to being the center of attention then you might want to swipe to the left of that comedian on tender…or is it right?  I should probably research these jokes.

Women are a huge part of the comedy audience.  They may approach the comedian and talk to you.  Your loved one has to be secure enough in themselves that they will see this as someone that enjoyed your work and move on.  If this person wants to bang you and they suspect that then you as the comedian should know that banging the fans, while enjoyable, can be hazardous to your relationship.  It’s all about trust.  Does your mate trust you around a pari of boobs?  If not then you should probably either leave that relationship so you can bang who you want or sit them down and ensure them that you are not banging ever woman that tells you they enjoy your show.

I have seen some relationships where the comedian had to choose between comedy and the relationship.  If I was ever confronted with something like that I would leave that relationship.  Comedy is my life.  It is what I love and it is what defines me as a person.  I could never just get a normal day-to-day without comedy being an outlet.  I would honestly rather swallow a bullet.  But since I don’t like massive head trauma, it is best that I get out of any relationship that would ask that of me.

People often ask me if I think two comedians can be in a worthwhile relationship.  I don’t know.  Every time I have seen it it has not worked out to well.  Either because the two in the relationship have different ideas on what comedy is to them, or one gets more work and it causes a strain on the relationship.  Or someone in the relationship is just a douchebag.

I don’t have any good observations on women comics.  Most of the women comics I know are single.  When they get in relationships the guy is usually really protective because most comics are guys and guys (for the most part) like vaginas.  It is hard for a lot of men to see their lady as the center of attention.  The married comedians I know are doing pretty well.  Maybe because they are not as broken as their male counterparts…I don’t know…I just observe and report.

Like any relationship, a relationship with a comic is about trust.  Do you trust that comic to come home without someone’s saliva on their genitals? Do you trust them to not spend their show money on cocaine?  Can you handle going to bars and traveling miles and miles for little pay?  If not then just date a banker, or a mechanic, or one of those guys that fixes air conditioning units for apartment buildings.  You may not want to be around someone who’s life is about making people laugh.  Or you may have found an asshat.  I don’t know.  I just observe and report.