For 95% of comedians, the mic is the only tool we have on the stage (unless you’re a stool humper, you have two). The thing that makes our voices carry over the drunk masses should be treated with respect and dignity. Here’s a bunch of rules I made up.
Stuff about the Stand: The stand holds the mic, but some comedians use it like a stress ball. Some comedians don’t like to remove the mic from the stand. Some fiddle with it and slam it around. That is fine, but if you notice when you have the mic in the stand, that the noise is travelling to the mic, then you should leave it alone. It is distracting to hear ever tap on the stand while you are trying to tell jokes.
Get familiar with the stand: Is it a normal stand with a base and a straight pole, or is it one of those musician nightmare machines with eight joints and a bunch of knobs? Well, get there early and give it a look so you don’t look like a fool playing with it. All you have to do is walk to the stage and look at it.
Mic holding: I am not about to tell you how to hold a damn mic…ok I am. Hold it somewhere near your mouth. That is why you are holding a voice amplification device. If you have it down by your waist, you will not be heard. Now, sometimes the mic is “hot” (turned up too high) and the sound guy, or bar tender, isn’t around to fix it, so you may have to keep it away from your face, but that is the only case. Also, if you are holding the ball of the mic, covering most of it, then you will probably sound mumbled. Rappers do it to look cool. The eight people at this open mic already know you are cool.
The mic is your friend, don’t hurt it!: I don’t know why this is a thing, but people beat the hell out of mics. They slam em against their legs, they pound on em. They throw em, and swing em around. Don’t do that! Microphones, good microphones, like almost every comedy club has, is not cheap. If you have a bit where you beat a microphone up, then just go to Amazon, and buy a three dollar mic to abuse. The mic should not be an expense for the club. This is extra true for bars and other places that may only pull out their mic but every once in awhile. If you mess that one up, they may not have another one, and you are left with a dead mic. Look, I get that you saw you favorite comedian beat a microphone up, but they can probably pay to get it replaced. You probably can’t afford to do a mic drop, so don’t do it. Mainly because you are not the only one that has to use it later.
It may seem like a silly thing to write about, but people have been asked not to come back to a spot because of how they beat up the mic. That is like being a janitor and destroying the floor polisher. Show the people running the place that you have respect for their equipment. You don’t want that to be the reason you are out of future work.