This thing we do is hard sometimes. There are a lot of lonely nights, of self doubt, where you can only see the darkness. Standing up and bearing your soul to the world is a painful thing to do, and to complicate matters you also have to put up with the rest of the world when you step off stage. Relationships, relatives, jobs, all of the hardships others have to deal with. What makes it even worse is that you are one of the few that notices it. That is what makes a comic a comic. They have the ability to see the nuances of the world that other people just ignore. That can tire you and make you look at the world negatively.
With that going on for years and years it will eventually get to the point where you see no other way out. Your non comedian friends just don’t understand what propels a person to drive 3 hours for 100 bucks. They don’t know how it feels to notice the world the way you do. So, you hang out with like minded people. The problem is that those people also tend to be in the dumps as well because this is the albatross we carry to be able to do this.
How can you keep on going when it seems the world doesn’t understand you and you feel as though you are falling down a jagged cliff? I have no idea. I am in the same boat as you. I can tell you what deadens the pain. I find the things I like to do and I do them a lot. That is easy for me to say however, my favorite things don’t include ingesting drugs and/or alcohol, which could make matters worse. I read, play video games, and go to the pawn shop, and hang out with my loved ones. I try to stay around positive people. Those people tend to be comics, but more often then not they make me feel good to be around them. I also try to keep as busy as possible. The way my mind works (and the mind of most depressed people) is that if it is left idle, to just rummage around through the blank spaces in my mind, then negativity will arise from that. That is why I decided to start photography and videography and podcast and anything else to stay out of that place that brings me down.
It’s hard. You don’t know if this thing you love will be loved by others to the point where you can earn a living from it. The grind of being a comedian can get you down. I just hope that while you are pursuing your dreams that you stay positive and make sure you are doing the things that make you happy, not the things that you think will make others around you happy.
This blog post is dedicated to Meredith Flanders. She was a not only a great comedian, but also a great person.