Comedian Pet Peeves

There are things in this world that just get on your nerves. The same is true for comedians.  Here are some of my pet peeves.  They are not aligned in order of peeveness (yay I created a word!) and this may not be a final list.  Ok.  Now that the disclaimers is out of the way…

Shows that start late: You have been sitting there for what seems like forever and the show runner is waiting for more people to show up…why?  Why are we waiting for the assholes to show up?  If you told people 9 and you were about to start at 8 that is one thing, but to hold up the show for what will most likely be 4-5 extra people is just maddening to me.  The exception to this though is if there are only two people in attendance.  Nothing is sadder than doing a show for two damn people. It’s even sadder if they are seated in the back.

Comics that show up late: As a comedian, there isn’t much expected of us.  We are supposed to know what a microphone is.  We are suppose to be funny.  And we are supposed to show up on time! Nothing says, “I don’t deserve this free dinner” like showing up to the show late.  I have always gone with: be there at least 30 minutes early.  That way you can see the set up and see the people and get a feel for things.  I have been riding with people that have shown up to the show at showtime.  Then the show is late because they have to lie to the promotor on why they weren’t there earlier.

Comics that wait to the last minute to tell you they won’t be there: Again.  Not much is asked of us.  We don’t have to bus the tables after the show or resurface the damn place.  It always boggles my mind to see comics that want to be comics, but have a hard enough time just being functional adults.  Oh, you realized that you never owed a car and can’t get to the show?  Maybe you should let the people running the show know BEFORE showtime.  I have been sitting in a bar waiting for the feature or whatever just to have the booker alert me that the asshat isn’t showing up.  It’s never a good excuse either.  It’s always like, “Well, I just got another cat and I didn’t want it getting into a fight with my previous cat.”

The strong silent type: This is the douchenozzle that sits in front damn row and you can see by the look on his/her face that they do not want to be there.  They intentionally go out of their way to not laugh.  You could be causing seizures in the back, but this person is determined to show their significant other that they didn’t have a good time and they should have done what they wanted to do.  Something boring I bet, like goat milking or something.

Waiting around to get paid:  So, the show’s over.  Everyone has left…except you because the person that is supposed to pay you is dicking around.  I’m always baffled  as to why they are doing this.  Do they not have the money to pay you and they are just waiting for the guy from Monopoly to come in and buy the bar?  Do they think that you will forget that you are supposed to be paid and just leave?  It is not a damn bear attack!  Playing dead will not make me go away.

People asking for requests: I’m not a damn cover band.  I don’t have a pocket full of Scandinavian jokes just for you.  Comedy shows are usually prepared things.  Comedians have jokes that have worked in most cases.  Just sit back and enjoy those.  Why do people think they should get a tailored show just for them?  Did you walk into a damn improv show?  If yes then scream out all the shit you want.  If not, shut the hell up, and order the shrimp basket I heard it’s pretty good.

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