The Road Comics’ Car

If you are a road comic you know how important a nice car is.  That car is basically your life blood.  If you don’t have a reliable car, you will find it very hard to get to shows.  I am always looking at what car would serve me best in terms of helping me get to shows and keep the cost of maintenance down.  Since starting comedy I have had about 6 cars and the best one was an old beat up 84′ Honda Accord.  It was rusted at the bottom of the doors and the engine sounded like a souped up go kart, but it got me through many places and it saved me a lot of money on gas.

The car I drive now to shows is a 2006 Chrysler 300 with all wheel drive.  I like the car for almost everything except two.  First, since it is a touring model and not a higher trim level I have to calculate the gas milage myself and though it isn’t hard, it’s easier to have the computer in the car do that so you know if something is amiss with your car right away.  Another thing is that it gets under 25 miles to the gallon on the highway (I have been able to get about 24.5 mpg out of it though).  That may not seem like a big complaint, but when you can save upwards of 25-50 bucks on gas per trip it means something.

What I look for in a good road comic car is 1. gas milage 2. comfort 3. maintenance cost 4.AWD.  Now if you live in California or the deep south you don’t have to worry that much about snow, but when you are doing shows in the inland northwest having a car that can get through a Montana winter can keep your lights on.  Gas milage like I said above is important.  I used to work with this guy that had a Hummer.  Now he could get anywhere he wanted with the thing, but it is not a gas sipper at all.  At best he was coming out even after a trip because of the gas being used.  I look for 25 mpg and above unless you can sacrifice some things for say AWD (like I did with the 300).  Number 2 is comfort because I think if the car is not going to be enjoyable you are going to be miserable when you get to the show.  It’s important for me because I am taller and I need more leg room.  If you are a tiny person go ahead and get a smart car and be happy.  Comfort also means you need something to distract you from a 800 mile drive through some of the more boring places of this great land.  I need an auxiliary port in my car so I can listen to my podcast.  I have tried driving and listening to just what radio stations my antenna can grab from space and…it wasn’t pretty.  Maintenance cost are important because if you are having to keep it in the shop more than use it then it is not a useful tool.  I used to have a 2003 Audi a4 and it was a great car, but in the 9 months I had it I had to spend 3 grand in repair cost.  Even to fix the terrible cup holder was like 400 bucks!  I love AWD!  It is one of my most important factors when I am looking at a car because it means I can transverse more areas in the winter when the roads are rough around here.

Now, I know things like insurance are important.  I just like to look for the things above first and then worry about the insurance later.   If you have a more, let’s just say…suspect driving record then you may want to consider that.

Ok, I gathered some cars that I think would make great road comic cars:


Honda Accord: Great gas milage and they are reliable.  If you get an older one you may have to get a new radio so you can listen to the music on your phone, but other than that great car.


Hyundai Sonata:  Gas milage and pretty comfortable.  I have been though a lot of Montana in one of these.


Subaru Legacy:  You can’t go wrong with any Subaru.  I find them comfortable and they are pretty easy on the pocket maintenance wise.  Again, the older you go the more you should invest in a stereo so you don’t have to listen to Spanish music for 500 miles (unless you want too…I don’t judge.).


GMC Terrain:  I love these cars.  It’s an SUV so you have more head and leg room.  It isn’t a big ass SUV.  With this car you are getting up to 30mpg!  And since it’s newer you will have all the safety options and entertainment options available.  If you still have great credit you should go get one.


2015 Cadillac Escalade:  You rich bastard.  Why are you doing road gigs?  Are you trying to shame me!?  What the hell could you possibly want with the 250 bucks you are getting in Pocatello Idaho!?  Don’t you have stocks you have to manage?  Why do you taunt me with your riches!?  You probably have satellite in that big fucker don’t you!?  You have a helipad on top?  You disgust me!?  Can we carpool to the next show?


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