A weird place

The entertainment business is not like your job.  If you do well at your job you get a raise and if you do really well you may get your own office.  No such thing happens with comics. It doesn’t matter how good you are at your job what you have to do is push it.  Because sitting around will not get you those paying gigs.

This is my dilema.  I have been doing stand-up since 2004.  I have been getting paid to do it since late 2004.  With all that time on my hands you would think that I would have at least started getting more work.  Nope!  Because I fluctuate how much I want to be in this.  I don’t know if it is because my heart isn’t in it like you would need it to be if you were going to be doing comedy professionally or just that I am afraid of failure.  It scares me to think that this thing that I think I am good at I may not actually be.  You usually think like that after a horrible show, but it also translate into how you go after work.  Do you make the calls and write up the emails and send out the packets like you need too?  Do you get on their ass about dates?  I think it may just be an issue because I have been in school, getting enough money to live on.  If that goes away and I had to rely on comedy full time I may go after it with more gusto.

I moved in to my girl’s place.  It is a vast improvement over where I was staying before.  The thing is that I think of things differently now.  I do not just have my own self to worry about, but my lady as well.  I could go a couple of weeks without doing shows because I had only so many bills.  What about now?  I can’t do that.  I have rent to pay dammit!  Subconsciously I may have done it to either push me to get a regular job or to go after comedy with full force.  We shall see.

Right now I am in a place that I don’t know how to get out of.  I headline one nighters, but I can’t expect to go to a larger city and have that happen.  So right now I am in a weird phase where I can barely get feature work in a comedy club, but it doesn’t pay enough, or I can go on the road doing one nighters, but those kill your soul slowly. This has depressed me deeply.  I think it may be a slurpee kind of day.

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